Don’t fall far, deep, hard Don’t fall far, deep, hard Don’t fall far (I love you), deep, hard Don’t fall far (I love you), deep, hard Won’t all scars seep dark from the far, black stars that I chart, those sleek shards that you sparked into are? I am tar, car parts that won’t start, farce art. There are still from all the videos of everything you’ve uglied up for both of us; the ghost of us is thickening the walls around my heart. Circle into smaller holes. I keep imagining an epitaph, in a timeline undefined: "Beloved Father, Purified Water" Watch me walk on my left hand. I want to tell you I'm feeling better, and I will, and I'll tell you I do. But I'm sick. I've been feeling sick, and little things I own start crying because they're mine.

I dreamt a room where all is black and red, a chandelier, deep grooves into the bed, voodoo fetishes, a dream within a dream. And in that room, I had to live with me. And in the dark, I had to slip inside, osmose into the night, determine when I’m seen. Invisible, long is my night Miserable, long is your knife Strange results, wrong is my right Miserable, long is your knife Long is my night Long is your knife Wrong is my right Long is your knife I’m not here I was never here Stare veneer Outline is so clear Ghost stays here I was never here

What’s in the middle part? I’ve slipped in an infinite figure-8 without hesitation. You thought I died. I tried. Now the mysticism I lit up and fitted inside of me allows me to be seen when I decide. No “I” in team, just me, and all the unseen. I reappear as a ghost, or so you thought. What is caught? I catch you on your way to sever the scene of every tear that you shed for supposed loss from you. You’ve slept in permafrost; you look blue in the face, but you don’t mind being haunted inside the car. Call me a dark star. Call me a stark messenger. I just want to see how far I can make “too far.” You’re the only one who can see me, half asleep in the backseat. Fuck the defeated look on my face. Throw a glass, smashed into fractions in the motel when my name is mentioned; the vivisection of the innate. I’m cold, faux-coped, I’m cold I’m comatose through 20,000 volts I’m starting to get scared that if I live in dark, the dark is all I’ll know Everybody’s at this retreat and I’m just a stowaway. I’m with you and I guilt you to love me ‘til you go away. Every friend who thought they remembered me right is outside. I thought sin was simple, but what is wrath without pride? I sit in the cabin and recall the dream from “Ritual.” I sit in the cabin ‘til the glow from Holy light subsides into another dream I don’t want to let into my already unsteady line of sight.

A train Dark, fog, and rain Walk to the door Walk through the door Step up Sit like I’m stuck Faces blurred out Faceless without details I’ve never felt like dropping off like lamp fire moth I dove so far into nether, seems I’ll never be seen again, but I will mend before too long I am strong and I will live when this is done There's a common thread in what Alicia said and the falling church Center slot is cursed To the door, through the door I've always wanted to love what can't be saved In a train car, I'm reminded all my love is selfish in the dark I felt this I am here, always here I've always wanted to be recognized on the street There's a part of me in a parted sea split by giant hands I don't understand where I've been, where I am I'm always worried that I'll never make it home I've dove so far to nether, seems I'll never be seen again, but I will mend before too long; I am strong, and I will live to see this done I keep having the same strange dream, where the presence that guides me to write dies in me I want to you to board my train and finally see what I mean, so I feel sane But instead you just ask, “What’s up?”, and I say nothing But now, here’s something: You can only see from outside, you can only see from outside (I love you too much, I love you too) I’ve been treading water all night She won’t kill me, but my fear might Circle back to smaller holes now fire’s in me and it’s cold out Climb out Walk back outside Walk to the pines My fire to them And then, fall to my knees So sings my soul, “How great thou art!” You are! I tried too hard You take a knee Kneel next to me

We roll out of the fire We roll into the grass, in what looks like the 50s Your stare is alive and it's living in mine, now you're crying with me I'm spilling it all I know that you know, you've stared off my veiling I'm visible now You're weeping in crowds, and we're thinking the same thing We were wrong, in the palm of a fault I love you, and I'm sorry is all and I can't tell a story without making mistakes and leaving out the good days I pull you on foot We both look around, and the scenery switches Surprise is a friend There's black and there's white, a preacher betwixt this A wedding as waves We're swept up and dazed, but as we get calmer, it eases the tide The people subside, and we lay on the altar You fold in my chest My errors are a red fern grown I don't want the future; I just want you, and you alone Don't fall far deep hard

I had this dream, and I woke up right next to you Shook you awake, feeling restless and destitute Tried to tell you everything at once I couldn’t find any of the words I was hunting leaving these gaps where their should’ve been something You seemed so upset when I was done You calmed me regardless and said, “It’s alright,” and I tried to stay calm through the rest of the night But calm wouldn’t come when I kindly invited it Managed to smile in the morning in spite of it Thought of my dream, and I figured I’d write of it then I just got a job that required a new suit I wore it and itched through my morning commute Brand new notebook on my knees The world through the windows from South to North side from her house to my home seemed so well-organized with everything at 90 degrees I wanted to write, but the world that I’d made was nothing but trouble refusing to fade I wanted an inside as big as what’s seen through the eyes of creators, of kings and of queens But the world that I’m in isn’t nearly as mean as my own A call knocked me out of my stare, and I answered A friend in photography now captures dancers and gets paid just enough to eat We talked about all that we could for 10 minutes My train started stalling; our talking went with it until her tone signaled defeat She said that a decade’s gone by, and she’s scared the top of her field won’t leave room for her there I can’t help but think of a personal place with islands and ocean and mountains and lakes I think of a place where the weather is cold and the heat of one moment is told and retold I think of a crash and a whale and a boar and they all keep repeating musical scores And the thought makes me think of success at its core; I think solemnly, If I can go, and stay, and not have to weep ‘til the end of my days, then I can truly say I’ve made it If I can go, and stay, and articulate feelings through shapes in my brain, then I can truly say I’ve made it and that I’d made it out alive

Fond but not in love, like wet to waterbug Love but not ensconced, I'm fond of confidante I'm sitting in a fire in the center of a 7-10 split I am hit but it is nothing this is nothing I am fine leave me alone Killed while sitting still, I have abandoned me Still love being killed, I think of her fondly Room looks like my colon and my eyes, red and puffy, roll around They catch nothing this is nothing this is dead dead, suppressed I have killed it I thought I buried you But here you come, gallivanting from the grave You smell like formaldehyde You kiss me as if I wasn't shivering You kick your dirt around You hold your stomach, luminescent bloody discharge Pouring like a baking soda story and I wake up thinking you missed me Fond but not in love, I know I buried you Fond but not in love, your ribs are showing now Fond but not in love I can't tell anyone

You write because you're tired of packing because J Quantum's napping because you're bored of fapping You write of your grocery store Drive to Outpost and to Amtrak Gas money and some cash back Get called “Brent” by girls you gawk at but won't honk at I'll sing it 'til you sign the lease the saddest dotted line I love you and your misery is mine Spit fire inside the Magic Kingdom Write hooks for Maggie to sing them but she's too shy to be a million dollar queen So we trade verses just like jerseys to auction off what's worthy And if we ever quit then I will quit with it I'll sing it 'til you sign the lease the saddest dotted line I love you and your misery is mine